For Poz Guys

Tips on Talking About HIV Status
by Letisha V. & Dani D.

Divulging your HIV status:

  1. It's important to let your partner know up front about your status, if you're in the middle of heavy petting and stop to say, "Oh, and by the way...", it's not fair to your partner.
  2. If you can't be up front about it you are only putting others at risk, and that is worse than being rejected based on your status.
  3. If privacy is your main concern then a bathhouse or bar is probably the wrong place, but there are private rooms/areas where you can discuss these heavy issues.
  4. If your partner can't handle HIV in this day and age, it probably wasn't worth wasting your time anyways.

Receiving the info:

  1. Acknowledge the fact that they're considering your health by telling you their status, and this is a good time to disclose your status as well.
  2. Respect him by keeping this information to yourself and trust that since he told you he will tell future partners about it too.
  3. If you are uncomfortable, be honest, your awkwardness will be obvious anyway. Besides, honesty can lead to more interesting and creative sex and everybody knows that uptight sex is no fun.
  4. HIV issues are rough, but hot protected sex can be too!
  5. And remember... drugs & alcohol don't always lead to the best decision making. If you know you're gonna drink or do drugs before going to the bar or bathhouse, or hooking up on-line, make a plan ahead of time on how you can be safe even when you're drunk or high.

Be Safe & Have Fun!

Poz-on-Poz Sex
When two positive men get together the question of whether to remove condoms from the scene will often arise. Many positive men do not use condoms with other positive partners. Following is a review of some issues to consider and how to minimize risks.

Sexually transmitted diseases Fucking other positive guys without condoms can increase your risk of exposure to other STDs. Most of these can be treated but some can be more difficult to treat if you have HIV. Cytomegalovirus can become a serious opportunistic illness in HIV-positive people. While in some cases HAART may minimize the impact of an STD, in other people STDs can cause serious permanent damage to positive guys. Some STDs (herpes, genital warts) can be spread even if you are using condoms. Also, having HIV makes it easier for you to get and pass on other STDs. If you are HIV-positive and sexually active it is highly recommended that you get screened for STDs every 3 months to avoid potential permanent damage to your health.

Reinfection For some time there has been a debate about what risks are posed to positive men by exposure to different strains of HIV, and whether such exposure can result in re-infection (or “super infection”) where someone is infected with more than one type of HIV. The presumed risk to an already positive guy would be from acquiring a drug resistant strain that may result in more rapid damage to the immune system, limit treatment options, and/or affect the success of current treatment.

Plenty of evidence now exists that the chance for reinfection is real.... It is just uncommon. But, it can be devastating for those who experience reinfection. If your partner has a resistant strain then you should talk to your doctor about respective treatment histories and risk reduction strategies.

Sexual discrimination and HIV
Positive guys face a lot of stigma in the dating world. A few years ago, an Australian survey showed these results:

  • 80% of (HIV-negative) gay men felt that positive gay men should disclose their HIV-status in sexual situations.
  • Yet, if disclosure did occur, then 70% of these men would reject these potential partners.

That's quite a mixed message. Tell me if you are positive, but don't expect me to fuck around with you if you are. There is a shared responsibility here. If negative guys expect positive guys to reveal their status, they should be prepared to hear that information and respond in a manner that is respectful, sensitive and responsible. Giving someone a hostile rejection will not encourage them to reveal their status in the future. Are you prepared for a positive response?

For positive guys who want to talk about their sexual health

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