According to the American Heritage Dictionary, Sadism is the "deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from inflicting cruelty, pain or emotional abuse on others." The word is derived from the Marquis de Sade, an 18th century French nobleman who got off on the sexual torment and humiliation of others (see page 21).
The definition of Masochism is the "deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused, humiliated or mistreated." It is named after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, a 19th century Austrian novelist who delighted in being tortured and humiliated by his lovers (page 22).
Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones, but Whips and Chains Won't Hurt Me
German psychologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing coined these words acknowledging that both predilections could exist in one person, hence the word "sadomasochism." Modern day S/M tendencies are no longer looked upon as a sexual abnormality, and are often considered to be commonplace, to varying degrees. This can be anything from light spanking and tickling, to full-on bondage, fisting, whips and chains.
Bondage and Domination, or BD, is another part of S/M culture. This can include getting tied up and/or handcuffed, but also extends to the different roles that people take in sexual relationships, like being more dominant or more submissive. More intense BD/SM culture is about people exploring the erotic feelings associated with power, pain, desire and domination. This is where we come back to the cornerstones of "Safe, Sane and Consensual" or SSC. A past president of Gay Male S/M Activists (GMSMA) in New York City describes SSC as follows:
Safe also means practicing safer sex, like using condoms and lube, and talking with partners about HIV/STD status before you start play.
SSC includes a lot of conversation before hand, especially for those who are getting into hardcore role-playing scenes. One of the most important things for guys to do before entering into a BD/SM scenario is to build trust and set limits. This is why coming up with rules beforehand and sticking to those rules is so important. Also, it is necessary to agree on a "safe word," a word that you both come up with ahead of time that means it is time for the scene to stop immediately. Words like Stop, Don't or No aren't any good since those are things that might be said as part of the scene, when you really want to keep going. It's good to use a word that you wouldn't possibly say during a sexual or erotic situation, like "banana" or "Rhoda Morgenstern" and make sure that you both agree that it is the safe word.
is Safer Sex
de Sade (1740 - 1814)
It should be noted that the Marquis was a violent and dangerous criminal. He was a brutal rapist and pedophile. As such, scholarly focus is mainly placed on the philosophy put forth in his writings. Sade found sexual gratification in inflicting cruelty and humiliation on others. He also got off on corrupting innocence and debasing virtue. While the Marquis' name forms the basis for the word “sadism," his actions in life do not accurately reflect modern day S/M culture because they were not always negotiated and consensual.
(1836 - 1895)
Sacher-Masoch's slavish tendencies came from an overbearing aunt, Madame Xenobia, who wore fur coats and used to whip him as a child. He enjoyed it. As an adult, Leopold eroticized both fur coats and floggings (with a cat-o'-nine-tails) administered to him by a mistress. He even entered into a contract with one of his lovers, wherein he agreed to be her slave for 6 months, and to obey her every command absolving her from any liability to his own personal safety or well being. He encouraged his second wife to take other lovers in order to inflame jealousy in his soul. When she could not satisfy his desires, he left her for another mistress who could.
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